Flooded

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Flooded

Written by Doug Petrie & Jane Espenson

Directed by Doug Petrie

Perri's Review

Plot:

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Willow cast a totally dangerous spell that succeeded in bringing Buffy back from the very dead. The Slayerettes are happy, since they think they saved Buffy from some kind of hell. Buffy isn't so thrilled, since she was in something she calls heaven, and wanted to stay there, but only Spike knows that.

In the darkness of someone's basement, Buffy wanders, looking for her enemy. She spots it: Mr. Drippy, an overhead pipe. She faces it with wrench in hand begins to tighten the stubborn leak, as Dawn supervises and offers to call the plumber. Buffy steadfastly refuses, "I'm on it" and succeeds in tightening the pipe. To no one's surprise, every other pipe in the basement instantly bursts, flooding the basement and sending Dawn shrieking up the stairs, as Buffy stands in the deluge with her shoulders slumped. "There. All better."

The woman of the house hang around the kitchen, discussing the situation downstairs. "The plumber will make everything good," Buffy assures them absently, staring at the water coming from the kitchen faucet. In fact, she doesn't seem to be quite at home for most of the conversation. Willow finally comes over and turns off the water. Xander emerges from the basement with Tito the Amazing, Plumber Extraordinaire. The pipes are shot and the whole system needs to be replaced. Despite Xander's negotiations, the price tag is in the 'ouch' territory. And Willow has to break the news to Buffy that money is, ah, an issue. Buffy stare helplessly at the pile of bills in front of her, pointing out that she hasn't spent any money lately. Joyce prepared everything, with life insurance and all, but it was wiped out by hospital bills. Anya is doing the accountant thing, and points out that the house itself is costing money by existing. Buffy instantly presents the solution -- burn down the house for the insurance. The Slayerettes stare uneasily until she assures them it was a joke. "It's not like it's the end of the world. Which is too bad, because that, I'm really good at." She assures Dawn she'll take care of it, although she doesn't know how. Anya's got a solution of her own -- start charging for Slaying. "You're providing a valuable service for the entire community. I say, cash in!" The idea goes over predictably badly; Anya tries to defend herself with a specious argument ("Spiderman does!") and calls on Xander to referee. When he points out that she's wrong, she storms out, demanding to know why he never takes her side.

Xander runs after her and catches up outside. The argument about why don't you support me?" turns immediately into another round of "why won't you announce our engagement?" Xander once again justifies the delay as waiting for the right time. "The way I understand this marriage thing is, it's kind of a forever deal." Anya: "Not if it never gets started." That one's hard for Xander to deny, but he makes a valiant effort. "I'm still getting used to the miracle of a steady paycheck, and getting out of my parents' house and this... this husband thing, it's a big step. Or a lot of little ones. And I love you so much I just want every step to be just right." Anya melts into his arms, then suddenly shoves him away, declaring that she's not going to let him get away with it this time. "When are you going to grow up, Xander!" she yells as she marches away.

Buffy, well dressed and looking quite adult, sits nervously, practicing her grown-up, "asking for a loan" lines over and over. The practice -- and the heinous amounts of paperwork she brought with her (old report cards, etc.) -- turn out to be unnecessary; with only the house as collateral (financial gobbledy-gook basically translates to 'that ain't worth much, especially in Sunnydale') and no income, the loan is out f the question. This depressing conversation is suddenly interrupted by a demon in the lobby, howling and ready for mayhem. "No job?" Buffy mutters, staring at it. "I wish."

But a Slayer's work is never done, and Buffy heads out to confront demon guy. "Hey, are you in the wrong line? That one's for deposits, that one's for withdrawls and this one, is for getting kicked in the face." Unfortunately, ankle-length skirts do tend to put a damper on that particular move; Buffy gets thrown across the room instead, landing on the loan officer's desk. She grabs a letter opener and slits her skirt up the side, then dives back into the fight. Without noticing someone behind the counter, emptying drawers. A security guards ties to intervene, pointing a gun at the demon, and gets an armload of Buffy. She glares at him sternly and holds up the gun -- "These things? Never helpful." -- before tossing it aside and head back in. But the demon has headed for the hills; satisfied, Buffy heads back in to renegotiate her loan.

Which she still doesn't get, 'cause of the whole bank robbery and all, to the gathered disgust and amazement of the Slayerettes. Willow tries to be supportive as Buffy takes out her aggression on a punching bag. Then Willow notices that Buffy's mad. "It'll pass," Buffy assures her, but Willow is delighted at the first sign of real emotion Buffy's shown since she came back, and tries to continue the temper thing. ("I slept with Riley. No, I said that to cover up the sleazy affair I had with Angel.") Her attempts to explain why don't go over well and she retreats in a flood of babble. Out in the shop, Anya is continuing the announcement campaign; Xander almost manages to say it, but chickens out again. Meanwhile, Dawn is campaigning to help research; she tells the adamant Tara that "If you don't let me look at pictures, I'm going to learn everything I know about demons on the street." Tara finally gives in and hands over a book: "Knock yourself out." Dawn settles in and happily starts staring at pictures. "That's a weird place for a horn," she observes, then closes the book very carefully. "That's not a horn." Anya and Xander take a moment to debate the weirdness of a demon being involved in a bank robbery, as Dawn still manages to locate a demon that fits the description. "I think it's pronounced M'Fashnik. Like Mmm-cookie."

Willow and Buffy appear and Buffy confirms the ID. She's elaborating when she suddenly stops dead and looks towards the door, her eyes widening. The others' follow her gaze, and Giles looks back at them. In the silence, he carefully sets down his bags, then starts towards Buffy. She meets him halfway, and it's hard to tell who hugs who first. They stay locked together until air becomes an issue for Giles. "Willow told me, but I didn't really let myself believe it," he says happily. "You're..." Buffy, who's heard it before, fills in, "A miracle." Giles: "Yes. But then, I've always thought that."

The demon makes his way through the dark streets as Buffy and Giles continue their reunion in the workout room. Live in England is... life, Giles says. "I keep a flat in Bath, I met with a few old friends, I almost made a new one, which is statistically impossible for a man of my age." Buffy: "And now you're back. Are you miserable about is, or justreally British?" Giles sits down wearily. "I can't lie to you, Buffy. Leaving Sunnydale was... difficult, and coming back is--" Buffy: "I'm guessing the word is inconvenient?" "No!" Giles denies instantly and very seriously, finally offering, "Bewildering?" Buffy can relate to that. He asks her how she really is, since she looks tired. She admits that sleeping is hard, because of nightmares about being in the coffin, but tries to be perky about it all. Giles isn't buying, but says she's doing remarkably well under extreme circumstances. She tries to blow him off, then begins getting ready for patrol. Giles leaves the room reluctantly, reemerging into the shop. Anya greets him with a trademark lunge-hug. "Giles! We're so glad to see you! We missed you! You can't have the store back!" He reassures his little entrepreneur, then moves into research mode. He recognizes the demon as a mercenary breed, that "perform acts of slaughter and mayhem for the highest bidder." What he's worried about is who is powerful enough to control the nasty thing."

The demon seems about to answer that question, as he stomps down the steps into someone's basement. "We had a deal!" he yells, presumably to whoever is powerful enough to control him. "You got what you wanted, now give me what I want! The head of the Slayer." Three very familiar, and totally non-nasty faces blink back at him from a beat-up couch. "Okay. Sure. We can do that," Superstar Jonathan, RobotMan Warren, and some other kid assure him blankly.

[Can I just say that these little in-between teasers for the musical episode are making me anticipate this far too much? "I just come here to lip-synch"? < snerck >]

The adolescent trio (henceforth referred to by Kiki's far-too-apt name, the Legion of Dorkness, or LoD, 'cause that's too long to type out every time), listen silently as their, um -- henchman? henchdemon? -- rants. "You told me you were powerful men, commanding machine, magic, the demon realms below." And he believed them? Wow. Pretty damn dumb, even for a demon. But the LoD assures him, "Yeah, we're like supervillains," and attempt supervillain laughs. Oy. The whole thing conjures up unpleasant (but hilarious) flashbacks to Harmony as Buffy's nemesis. I may cry. "Which one of you is leader?" the demon demands. "I am," all of them answer. "I will kill the leader," the demon threatens. "He is," all of them answer, pointing to each other. I say again, oy. "It's not our fault the Slayer was there," Jonathan jumps to defend them, promptly getting nailed leader. Henchdemon gets him around the neck and lifts him off the ground until Warren intervenes. "If you kill us, everybody loses. If you let us live, we give you..." But he can't actually come up with much of anything, despite assuring him that, between the three of them, they can do anything. < snort > Yeah, right. Henchdemon is only marginally interested in any of the rather pathetic and high school offerings (Make you look super-cool to other demons? Please.), and even that's destroyed when the bickering over who can actually do what begins. (Third kid, by the way, is Andrew, younger brother of the loser who tried to set demon dogs on the Prom. His claim to evil fame is flying demon monkeys at the high school play, which is, of course, so much cooler.)

Henchdemon tolerates this much longer than I would have, before recommencing with the screaming and the threats. He advances on them, demanding the Slayer dead, and the dorks go into a huddle to, they tell the demon, find the optimum method. "Makes sure it involves a lot of pain," Henchdemon snarls.

In more peaceful (and intelligent) surroundings, Buffy is getting Giles set up for bed on the couch. She doesn't know where the guest sheets are, but she's making due. "We need the pull-out kind [of sofa]. The kind with no payments until 200-infinity." That catches Giles' attention, and Buffy fesses up to the financial problem. "Anya says it's pretty bad, and I'm taking her word for it. Actually, I'm kind of trying not to think about it." Giles: "Sound policy, at least for tonight." If terribly ineffective, since Buffy will wake up at 4 a.m. terrified. She flops onto the couch next to him, and he resumes the 'you just came back from hell, you need time to adjust' pep talk that all of the Slayerettes seem to have memorized. "If it's any consolation, life can be pretty overwhelming for people who haven't been... where you have." He promises to sit down with her the next morning to figure out the bills. "I'm glad you're back," Buffy tells him. "well, I'm glad you are too," he returns, and reaches for her hand. He misses; Buffy stands and walks away, maybe without noticing.

Back with the Legion of Dorkness, Jonathan, to his credit, is not happy about killing Buffy ("She saved my life a bunch of times. Plus, she's hot.") Warren is in favor of anything that keeps him alive, and "since this is my mom's basement, what I say goes." Andrew is the swing vote, and swings against murder because of the whole "getting into trouble aspect." "We teamed up with one clear, super-cool mission statement." **flashback** As the LoD sits around playing D&D and perpetuating various gamer stereotypes, Warren asks diffidently, "So... You guys want to team up and take over Sunnydale?" Andrew and Jonathan look at each other and shrug. "Okay." **present** They have a mission, Jonathan insists, and even a cool whiteboard To Do list (control the weather, miniaturize Fort Knox, conjure fake IDs, shrink ray, girls, girls, the gorilla thing.... These guys need to be cut off from all James Bond movies. I mean, seriously). "Chicks, chicks, chicks," Jonathan says. "I know that's the action I signed on for." Warren loses the ensuing vote, and heads off to take care of the demon. Which he does by slipping him Buffy's name and address, then lying to the other two. Let's hear it for democracy among supervillains.

Giles heads into the kitchen as Willow arrives home; for some reason neither of the turn on the lights. When Giles asks, Willow goes into details about the spell, doing the happy bouncy, "we cast this spell, it was so cool and dangerous, aren't you proud of me!" thing, obviously expecting some congratulations for her Great Deed. Instead she gets Giles' low-voiced, "You're a very stupid girl." This actually makes her blink, her face falling in a way that would be pathetic if she hadn't so righteously deserved that. "Do you have any idea what you've done?" Giles demands, turning to face her. "The forces you've harnessed, the lines you've crossed." Willow: "I.. thought you'd be impressed or something." Not even. "Don't worry, you've made a very deep impression," Giles assures her. "Of everyone here, you were the one I trusted most to respect the forces of nature. Think what you've done to Buffy." Willow protests, "I brought her back!" Giles: "At incredible risk!" Willow is steadfastly not getting it. "Risk? Of what? Making her deader?" [insert eye roll from reviewer] "Of killing us all, of unleashing hell on Earth." Giles is a walking catalog of Bad Consequences, and if anyone knows about those, it's him. "Giles, I did what I had to do," Willow tells him. "I did what no one else could do." Giles is still looking very grim. "Oh, there are others in this world who can do what you did. You just don't want to meet them." Willow concedes that point, but pushes on: "They're the bad guys. I'm not a bad guy. I brought Buffy back into this world, and maybe the word you need to be looking for is congratulations!" Giles hunts for other words. "Having Buffy back in this world makes me feel... indescribably wonderful, but I wouldn't congratulate you if you'd jumped off a cliff and happened to survive." Ouch. Willow's getting pissed now. "That's not what I did, Giles." Giles: "You were lucky." Willow: "I wasn't lucky. I was amazing. And how would you know, you weren't even there." Giles is working on being pretty pissed himself, finally starting to lose control of his tone. "If I had been, I'd have bloody well stopped you. The magics you've channeled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, and you are lucky to be alive, you rank, arrogant amateur!" He starts to stride out, but Willow's voice stops him. She's suddenly very cold, distant and composed. "You're right. The magics I used are very powerful. I'm very powerful. And maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off." Giles stops cold at the threat behind his surrogate daughter's voice; then, as if a flip has been switched, Willow suddenly tuns back into, well, Willow again. "Come on, Giles; I don't want to fight. Let's not, okay?" But the damage has been done; Giles' answer is quite level and reasonable, but his body language is pure Ripper, and can give Willow lessons in real menace. "We still don't know where she was, or what happened to her there. And I'm far from convinced she's come out of all this undamaged."

Buffy herself stands on the back porch, just outside the kitchen, alone and fighting for composure. A cigarette butt arcs out of the darkness to the floor, and she grinds it under one shoe without missing a beat. "Hello, Spike." He's standing at the foot of the steps, his face sympathetic. "You hear all that noise?" he asks, indicating the kitchen. She nods, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. "Just enough to make me feel crappy." Spike defends Giles mildly: "You know the Watcher didn't mean anything by it." Buffy knows that, mostly. "They all care so much, it makes it all harder." Spike's listening, but tells her, "I'm not sure I followed you 'round that bend, luv." He comes closer as she tries to explain. "I feel like I'm spending all of my time trying to be okay so they don't worry. It's exhausting. And then I--" She breaks off and Spike fills in, "and that makes them worry even more." He's right, but Buffy can't really say anything. He thinks for a second, moving to stand next to her, then offers, "You want me to take them all out? Give me a hell of a headache, but I could probably thin the herd a little." The suggestion wins a tiny smile, from Buffy, quickly gone, but he's satisfied. She sits down and he settles next to her silently. "Why are you always around when I'm miserable?" she asks, but Spike doesn't take it personally. "That's when you're alone, I reckon. I'm not one for crowds myself these days." Buffy looks at him sadly. "Me neither." "That works out nicely, then," Spike smiles, and they sit in silence (as the camera switches to a long shot in what has to be a deliberate echo of the end of Fool for Love). "So what do you know about finances?" Buffy suddenly asks. Spike blinks, then slowly turns to look down at her in the funniest reaction shot of the ep.

Inside the house, Dawn makes her way quietly down the stairs, only to find Giles still awake -- neither one could sleep. "You ever try mixing parts of every cereal you've got in one bowl?" she asks Giles. He hasn't, and declines to participate in the attempt. But before the experiment can begin, Giles hears something -- the doorknob is jiggling. The door is locked, but suddenly bursts open. Dawn is blown across the room, and Giles follows as the Henchdemon pays a late-night visit. "You're not the Slayer," he growls, advancing on Dawn. "But you'll do for a start."

Dawn's response is entirely reasonable -- she screams like an air raid siren -- and has the desired effect, as Buffy comes racing in from the back yard. She grabs the demon and informs him, "You're paying for that door, buddy," before throwing him across the room, wincing as he destroys the coffee table, the takes down a lamp getting up. "You have cost me, Slayer!" he announces. Buffy shoots back, "I cost you? That was a designer lamp, you mook!" The fight commences, with Buffy desperately trying to avoid as much destruction as possible, and largely failing. Spike intervenes after entirely too long, and Buffy yells at him to stop -- she's trying to get Henchdemon into the basement, which is already a loss. She succeeds by the simple method of sending both herself and Henchdemon tumbling down the stairs and into the three feet of standing water. The fight continues, with the two opponents pretty much deadlocked, until Henchdemon rips apart the pipe that Buffy was working on right before the flood. That gets her mad, and she gets him down, bludgeoning him to death with the pipe that the plumber is going to charge her a fortune to replace. As she stares up at the remains of the piping, panting, Spike asks from the top of the stairs, "Whoa. Did you know this place is flooded?" Showing great self-control, she refrains from killing him, too.

The LoD congratulates themselves on a good beginning -- they have money, a lair, and their one loose end has been taken care off by the Slayer. Plus, there's the cool toys -- the periscope, the flamethrower, the action figures... "We can do anything," Andrew says gleefully. "We can stay up all night if we want to." Jonathan points out that they still have to deal with Buffy, but the other two aren't worried. "We could hypnotize her," Warren suggests. "Make her our willing sex slave," Andrew adds. That sounds good to everyone; Jonathan adds it to the list. "This is the life," Andrew muses. "Here we've got all the stuff we ever wanted, and we didn't even have to--" Warren: "Earn it?" Andrew: "Exactamundo." Okay, these guys are disqualified from suppervillaindom just for the heinously outdated slang. Oy squared. "It's true, my friends," Jonathan says pompously. "The way I see it, life is like an interstellar journey. Some people go into hypersleep and travel at sublight speed. Oh, they get where they're going after years of struggle and toil and lots of hard, hard work. But we, on the other hand--" Andrew: "Blast through the space-time continuum in a wormhole?" Jonathan: "Crime is our wormhole." He lights a cigar with a burning hundred-dollar bill, then has trouble putting it out, Andrew starts to debate wormhole physics and Warren, wearing VR goggles, tells him not to be a geek. Yeah. Let the world beware.

Back at the Summers house, repair work is underway on the furniture destroyed the previous night, with a severe lack of success. Anya is doing the accountant thing again, and her resulting calculations of Buffy's debt are sobering. Buffy can't figure out how her mother did it. Giles comes in, announcing, "Well, I know I'm back in America now that I've been knocked unconscious." Tara wonders what the demon wanted, but no one has any answers, especially as to who hired him. Willow happily offers to do a locator spell, but subsides at a very pointed look from Giles. Xander finally has to concede defeat in reconstructing the coffee table, and is really mad about it; Dawn and Willow more quietly give up on the lamp. The Scooby Gang heads for the trash as Giles settles next to Buffy. "I don't think I can do this," she says quietly. Giles disagrees, pointing out that her mother did it all the time. "She took one crisis at a time and, without the aid of any superpowers, she got through it all. So can you." The phone rings and Buffy heads off to answer it. Dawn says, "I bet it's creditors. The hounding has begun. I read about it. So, you think we'll starve?" Giles: "I very much doubt it." Dawn, sounding entirely too cheerful: "No chance I'd have to quit school and work assembling cheap toys in a poorly ventilated sweatshop?" Giles: "What have you been reading?" Buffy comes back in, looking strangely focused on something that doesn't involve anyone in the room. "Angel," she responds to Giles. He knows she's alive, and she has to see him. Now. She stops only long enough to toss a "Thanks for taking care of this for me," at Giles, before heading out to some unspecified in-between meeting point. Giles and Dawn stare wordlessly after her.

Continuity:

Buffy is mentally continuing to adjust to being back, but she's got more problems -- money is becoming a serious issue, and she got new, ah, enemies in the form of The Trio (aka, the Legion of Dorkness), consisting of three hopeless losers who have joined together in an attmpt to be slightly less hopeless.